dungeon festivities, SCHWARTZ repairs to the upstairs to relieve an over-wrought, aching ass in his ornate badezimmer (bathroom), to the strains of the "Horstwessel Lied" while perusing Die Welt, a German newspaper, in his soothing, pummeling tub. Then, an INTRUDER (unseen to the audience) enters with a large chemical beaker containing a small solitary fish equipped with a large mouth. It is HARRY the NIMROD!
Summarily, HARRY is deposited into the roily, Jacuzzi-frothed tub, joining SCHWARTZ, and, needless to say, makes short work of the Teuton. Hence, the essential basis for this compelling melodrama; Who delivered HARRY to tubside for the clouded purpose of eating ADOLPH to the quick?
Enter now, MARGO WINCHESTER, the heroine of the plot; joyessly displaying her substantial equipment as she jogs statuesquely along an infrequently traveled mountain road, heavy with National Geographic scenery. Along comes HOMER JOHNSON, the local law and order clod, resplendent in "General Patton" breeches and "Smokey the Bear" campaign hat. His conveyance is a sparkling silver Mercedes patrol sedan adorned with red lights, antenna and decals. He schleps in his attempt to "help" MARGO. After HOMER speeds off, groovy LEONARD BOX happens on the scene: a young brash lad driving a rank, powder-blue pick-up truck. He succeeds where HOMER failed, being successful in giving MARGO a lift. It is soon apparent that the BOX boy is up to no good, and MARGO temporarily escapes his pawing clutches with a well placed elbow in LEONARD's basket. As with all of Russ Meyer's heroes, or anti-heroes, for that matter, there is a quick recovery (no matter how grievious the wound). MARGO, not exactly defenseless, gives a good account of herself, in the aboreal dell, with Karate and such, until trapped in deep water. LEONARD then dispatches her with some well placed right-crosses. Beaching her like a whale, the BOX boy loses no time in unlimbering his heavy artillery and proceeds to pummel MARGO's zone, at will, finalizing in a "Grand Coulee sluice-gate orgasm." All of this brings MARGO back to awareness. Accountably, she is disturbed by the odious proceedings; countering with dual blows to the spent youth's kidneys, capped by an air-flip; resulting in LEONARD BOX the recipient of a broken neck.
Meanwhile, the carnality and violence has been witnessed by HOMER. One might question why he didn't intrude, as his profession might normally dictate, but with the flow of dialogue it becomes apparent that "Smokey" has other plans for the bumptious girl. An unholy alliance is consumated, to the satisfaction of all concerned. As with all Russ Meyer's protagonists, their sexual appetites are awesome; seldom if ever wholly satisfied. Again, something for the ladies; HOMER's "billyclub-like appendage" is in keeping with the "average" manliness on display throughout Up! MARGO, it can be verified, has all the gusto, stamina and relish to swallow HOMER's lunging fervor.
The plot must thicken. PAUL and ALICE co-host "Alice's Cafe," a one-armed ptomaine palace in the Redwoods of Northern California. Business is adequate and, with the low overhead, it appears that the restaurant is a going concern. In the course of slinging hash, ALICE spots HOMER meting out justice in his own speed trap, the sleepy community of Miranda. The victim is the CHESTY YOUNG THING, for having exceeded the posted speed limit. In lieu of a driver's license, CHESTY offers to display some other credentials in the back seat of the patrol car, right in the middle of town. HOMER is administered to with deft relish and in record time, to the delight of the voyeur PAUL, in the restaurant. Soon, HOMER, suitably calmed, repairs to the cafe's counter where he is interrogated by PAUL and ALICE; one of the subjects being the bulging MARGO WINCHESTER, who is sharing his pad. Unmistakably, there is more than a casual interest displayed by both PAUL and ALICE.
Enter now, RAFE, the powerful, yet unobtrusive logger who has a prodigious appetite for "hay bailer" breakfast and such. More of him later.
Just for the sake of sex, PAUL and ALICE hi to river and stream, forest and glade for some athletic conviviality. They don't disappoint, displaying a prowess seldom seen. There is no question with regard to PAUL's AC/DC, nor ALICE's ability to compete and score in any sexual Olympic Decathlon.
On with the story. MARGO comes to work at Alice's Cafe, and business bazooms! Her generous attributes do not go unnoticed by PAUL and ALICE. After the termination of her shift, she rather broadly indicates to PAUL she is wont to dunk her sleek body in nearby Salmon Creek. Of course the slim stud is not long in showing up, resulting in magnificent rural couplings, thirty-six positions plus four known only to the emperor. Whilst MARGO is having her pleasures, HOMER is up to sizeable infidelity as well, vibrating in his huge Paul Bunyan bed, and bouncing the voluptuous Indian maiden POCOHONTAS against the Beauty Rest. He is almost discovered by the returning MARGO, who is seeking even further satisfaction.
Quickly time passes, with Alice's Cafe becoming Alice's Cafe Ii, a large, rustic, saloon-like watering hole. As sweet Ii'l ALICE pronounces: "We could never have made it without MARGO's help!"
The night of the big opening. MARGO is the main attraction; the "terpsichore par excellence." The saloon is packed to the rafters. Enter the ponderous RAFE, hardly the same kindly soul we have been led to believe he was; too much sauce brings out a lot of meanness. It becomes increasingly clear that headaches are in store for PAUL, ALICE, and MARGO, to the delight of the paying customers.
MARGO's provocative costume, hardly restraining her maddening charms, together with her wanton dancing, scrambles RAFE's sodden gray matter forcing him to run amok. ALICE scampers for help, while PAUL is smashed to insensibility. MARGO's rampaging charms hardly serve to cool the savage beast in RAFE's awesome breast, as she finds herself pressed down on a barroom table, absorbing punishing body blows to her soft underbelly by the raping RAFE. Needless to say, the giant is spectacularly equipped to mete out his own brand of carnal punishment. ALICE has summoned HOMER, via a nearby telephone, and returns to the saloon only to discover the facility in a shambles, and her ever-loving PAUL heaped unconsciously behind the bar. Tigress-like she springs onto the back of the rapacious RAFE. Hardly missing a stroke, RAFE replaces MARGO's tortured sheath, with that of ALICE's! A sandwich of delight, indeed, with the beleagered MARGO finding herself the foundation of RAFE's house of lust! HOMER bursts thru the swinging doors, and in attempting to pry the brutal RAFE free is dispatched with a quick elbow to the jewels. Trying again, this time by breaking a chair over RAFE's back, he only further infuriates the maddened beast. Once again, HOMER finds himself on his ass. Then he spots RAFE's ever present double-bitted
Roaring, the wounded RAFE buries the bloody axe deep into HOMER's chest cavity; then, bear-like, gathers up the screaming girls and smashes thru the saloon wall as if it were paper, leaving the mortally wounded HOMER on the bloody floor.
HOMER still has something left. He rips the axe from his chest, leaving a grievous wound, and staggers to his feet, clutching the bar for support, standing proud. Looking about he spots a bit of logging memorabilia, a chain saw, mounted on the saloon wall. With strength drawn from a deep reservoir, he yanks it loose from its mooring and follows, in tortured pursuit, the wounded RAFE and his two nude thrashing prizes.
A cliff is the scene of the two protagonists' showdown. The giant is about to dash HOMER's love, MARGO, to the cruel floor of the chasm below; the writhing ALICE meanwhile impaled by RAFE's heavy boot smashed down on her ass.
HOMER, for a second time gets RAFE's attention, by starting up the racous chain saw. The two men meet for the last time, the deadly saw chewing its way into the giant's massive chest, with both dying men teetering, then plummeting into the canyon of death below.
The two girls rush into each others arms, attempting to find solace. ALICE, instead, finds a large protuberant breast. MARGO's tears quickly dry, needless to say.
Transition to MARGO finding a lonely coinbox telephone. She makes a mysterious call that does not go unnoticed; curiously a person unknown is shadowing her in HOMER's Mercedes patrol car!
MARGO returns to HOMER's tomb-like lodge. She reflects momentarily on her rather full day and then repairs to the shower. There she is attacked by an INTRUDER wielding a businesslike short sword; in fact it is a big dagger. MARGO suffers a superficial wound, just above her capacious left breast, which indicates to her a great need for escape.
MARGO does so by bowling over her assailant and dashing into the dark forest, sans chemise.
In hot pursuit, still wielding the naked blade, is a young lady who turns out to be sweet li'l ALICE, who is really sweet li'l EVA, the bastard daughter of Adolph Hitler and his flaxen-haired mistress Eva Braun!
A track meet in the moonlite ensues between two gloriously naked women (ALICE/EVA has shed her rainment), the "Alles for Deutchland" dagger being passed between them seemingly like a baton. All the while, informative exchanges between the rampaging ladies clear up, once and for all, the demise of Adolph Hitler.
MARGO, wisely determining that discretion, rather than valor, was to her advantage, enters into, what it would appear, a new female-female coupling.
Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, PAUL, naked as a jay bird, appears on the scene, scrambled and packing a Luger ...