Unknown to all but his sister, Anne, Handsome Jack has assumed a secret identity to prove Captain Lust was responsible for the death of their father, the late Count of Monte Crisco.
When Captain Lust discovers the lost treasure map tatooed in Latin on the celebate member of a dumb monk, he kidnaps a nun to translate the stiff problem and prepares to set sail. While Lust is securing the Cuntessa's fidelity by tying her nether lips into a love knot, Jack and Anne enlist the aid of Captain Surecock in a plot to have his Pirate Women stow away on the BLACK SWAN.
All goes well at sea as the Pirate Women seductively eliminate Lust's crew until Anne is found hiding in an apple barrel, and the women are locked in the ship's hold.
Lust forces Anne and Jack to commit incest then throws her in with the other women where she is consoled by Esmeralda and the swashbuckler's phi ksophy of share and share alike.
Land is sighted and Lust takes a party ashore where they find a young virgin being sacrificed in the rising tide. Lust goes off to find the treasure, leaving Jack to "save" the native girl, Poon.
Captain Lust returns to the BLACK SWAN with the treasure and ravishes poor Poon until Captain Surecock and his pirates attack the BLACK SWAN.
All appears to be lost when the JOLLY ROGER is sunk. The pirates are overwhelmed until Jack releases the women who enter the foray to turn the tide.
Jack is proclaimed the new Count of Monte Crisco, Lust jumps to the sharks, and peace and love' are restored on the high_seas.
Starring Sharon Mitchel